


Red and Black

by AmygDalin



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, M/M, im so sorry, this was a mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 08:58:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11287971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmygDalin/pseuds/AmygDalin
Summary: Shadow screws up, and Black Hat gets an unexpected visitor.





	Red and Black

**Author's Note:**

> -justin mcelroy voice- this bit was a mistake.   
> again, i wrote this at literally 1:30 in the morning so any mistakes are mine (besides the ENTIRE FIC). i blame the villainous discord and my own stupid thoughts at the ass crack of dawn for this. also ass is said like twice but im still rating it as general. if u want me to change it lmk  
> enjoy i guess idk lmao im just here to have fun

It wasn't like Shadow had _intended_ for this to happen.

He just...was going too fast. He didn't realize he had landed in the wrong dimension until it was too late. 

He had _meant_ to open a portal to Green Zone. Someone had let it slip that Sonic was there doing whatever he does in his off time, so Shadow figured that that was the prime time to go kick his ass.

Why?

Well, because he felt like it.

But, oh no, Shadow had ripped his portal a dimension over, and now he was standing in someone's office.

He was being stared at by the someone who owned said office. He stared back.

Neither said a word. The silence was so thick that one would need a sharp axe to cut it, and that would turn out to be too dull, so instead, one would _actually_ need a military grade laser to cut the silence.

Shadow didn't have immediate access to a military grade laser. He didn't have to worry about it because the mysterious person sitting at the desk staring--no, _now_ he was glaring, and dear god, if Shadow hadn't seen worse, he probably would've made a beeline for the nearest exit--decided that a military grade laser was nothing compared to his voice.

"What. Are. You. _Doing_."

Shadow didn't respond. After another beat or two of thick, evil nothingness, the person gradually raised his hand, pressed a button on what looked to be a phone receiver, and growled out, "Flug, bring me my incinerator ray. We have...an unwelcome _visitor_."

A small, shaky voice on the other end chirped a, "Yessir!" before a beep signaled the end of the correspondence. The person leaned back in his chair and started to tap his fingers casually but most definitely threateningly on the top of his desk. 

"You'd best start talking if you'd like to get away with some of your body intact. You have about, oh, two minutes before my scientist shows up with your demise."

Instead of responding to the poorly hidden threat, Shadow narrowed his eyes at the figure. What was he playing at? "You didn't even seem shocked when I teleported in here," he said simply, crossing his arms behind his back. "As if something like this has happened before?"

The figure seemed surprised, but he quickly recovered and covered it with a scowl. "Not quite like _this_ , no, but you're on the right track."

"So you yourself can teleport."

"What? I didn't--" The person spluttered then regained his regal composure. "Of course I can teleport. It's bloody elementary."

"Hm." Shadow turned his head to take in the rest of his surroundings. Black and red seemed to be a favorite theme for the odd figure sitting at the desk in front of him. He could respect that. "Therefore, by process of elimination, you've teleported to the wrong place at the wrong time, much like the situation I find myself in at the moment."

"All beginners do; it's a stupidly simple mistake. I haven't done it in over three hundred years."

Ah. So perhaps he wasn't human.

The teleportation admittance should've given that away, but Shadow was still too gobsmacked to believe that he'd managed to land himself in some whacko's office. Shadow sneered.

"Where am I?" 

A slow, sharp smile spread across the figure's face, somehow managing to resemble a shark. "In the presence of Black Hat himself, wasn't that obvious?" He cooed.

Shadow's gaze flicked mildly to the figure--Black Hat. "Not really. The hat didn't give much away."

Whatever sarcasm was in his voice was lost to Black Hat. "It's no matter, anyways. You'll be dead in about thirty seconds, and after that, I can go back to scamming these filthy lawyers for all of their worth," he snapped. 

Dirty work. Shadow could appreciate that. But no matter how much he was impressed, he didn't feel much like losing all of his body mass within 0.05 seconds.

"As much as I... _enjoyed_ your company--" Shadow turned to face Black Hat fully and raised his hand, feeling energy sparking to life around his palm and fingers, "--I really _must_ be taking my leave."

He threw a spear of pure energy towards Black Hat, ripped his portal, and threw one more spear at him for good measure. One struck the desk, making it fly backwards, while the other hit a stack of paper, crackling like logs in a fireplace before catching on fire. Shadow heard Black Hat yell and scramble to gain control of the situation again (i.e., put out the fire and get his feet underneath him again), and he had enough time to see Black Hat shoot him a surprised glance and the door to his office slam open before he stepped into the portal.

Once he was sure he was in Green Zone (the smell of grass and fresh flowers gave it away instantly), Shadow closed the portal, faced the horizon, and sighed deeply, rubbing at his temple.

The day wasn't even halfway over yet, and he already felt the beginnings of a headache.

He hadn't even gotten to kick Sonic's ass yet.  
~~~  
"Flug."

"Yessir?"

Black Hat stood facing the window. The smell of ozone (from the portal) and burned paper (from the, uh, burned paper) filled the room. Flug had just showed up with the ray when that weird little animal took his leave.

Flug's timing was impeccable, as usual.

"Clean this mess up."

"B-but sir, I--"

"Alright, _fine_." Black Hat stepped away from the window and stormed to his bed. He flung himself down upon it and growled lowly. "Just leave me alone."

"'Course, boss."

"I have a lot to think about."

"Right."

"Flug?"

"Yes?"

"Get out."

"Duly noted."


End file.
